Hi, I’m a 20 year old SAHM who doesn’t always love it. NO that does not mean I don’t love my child, soon to be children, it just means that being a mum, whether you’re a SAHM or a mum who has a career, is hard. I have a 1 year old daughter and another little princess on the way. I’m excited, scared, worried, sad and happy all at once. I’m lucky that I have my partner by my side through this pregnancy, yes that does mean he isn’t biologically my 1st daughters father but he is who stepped up and filled those shoes.
My life has been a rollercoaster of trauma and abuse, it has also been one filled with joy and happiness but unfortunately the bad has taken its toll.
I have suffered from Depression and Anxiety from the age of 12 and still do. On top of that I have PTSD and insomnia. My first time being sexual assaulted was at the age of 9, I didn’t see it as that then but I realise it was now, then it continued throughout my life from different people. My first time seeing domestic violence, that I can recall, was when I was age 8. My first time being in a domestic violence relationship was at the age of 16, I never saw it coming. My first time losing a loved one to suicide was at the age of 15, I still have moments I blame myself. My first time trying to end my life was at 16, I still question my worth. My first time I felt like no matter what I had to fight, was the 23rd of November 2018, when my daughter was born, I was 18. I decided then and there I will not let her grow up watching her mother be hurt by someone that’s meant to love her. I decided no matter how I felt, even if I was wanting to leave I couldn’t because she needed me.
Now I fight harder than ever before, I fight to keep going, I fight to always be there for others because I refuse to lose someone else, I fight so my daughters will have their mother always by their side. I am not okay but that is okay. I decided to create this blog to share my story and hopefully help someone else.
4 THINGS TO REMEMBER:
- You are stronger than you think.
- You are important to more people than you may know.
- You are enough!
- No-one is perfect so don’t try to be.